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For the months of May and June, I’m running a joint Mother’s and Father’s Day special for Glamour and Boudoir photography sessions! You’ll receive 50% off of my session fee!!! This fee includes my photography time (usually about 60 minutes for a session), full hair and makeup by one of…

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Yeah, you’re totally the chubbiest 5′7, 90lb woman I’VE ever seen.

March 27th, 2008  |  Posted in Uncategorized  |  

Here’s a conversation I was a part of the other day at rehearsal:

90lb, 5′7 Blonde woman:
Ugh, Gawd…I feel totally bloated today. I had like seven M&M’s! Can you believe that? Seven! I really need to learn self-control.

Me:
(Remains silent. Hides my Snickers bar behind my back)

90.5lb, 5′6 woman:
Yeah, I know what you mean. Just be sure to eat a salad with no dressing tonight for dinner.

90lb, 5′7 Blonde woman:
But I don’t like tomatoes, cucumbers or carrots.

90.5lb, 5′6 woman:
So, get your salad without all that.

(They both nod in agreeance)

Me:
So, you’re just going to have lettuce for dinner?

90lb, 5′7 Blonde woman:
Yeah. (She shrugs, obviously seeing nothing weird about this)

Me:
Why don’t you add some avocado to that? Or tofu. Tofu’s healthy.

90lb, 5′7 Blonde woman:
Um, ew. Carbs.

Me:
Tofu’s protein. Not carbs. And avocado is nature’s miracle food. It’s really good for you.

90lb, 5′7 Blonde woman:
Whatever. It’s fatty.

Me:
(presses lips together, fighting the urge to make her look like the dumbass she is)
Ok. Enjoy your lettuce.

3 Responses to “Yeah, you’re totally the chubbiest 5′7, 90lb woman I’VE ever seen.”

  1. WordVixen Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    I can only say that I’m glad these women are not my target audience when I write.

    Thank dog!

  2. Merry Monteleone Says:
    March 30th, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    Hey Colleen,

    what you should do is tell them that lettuce is all water and causes you to gain the much dreaded water weight and the only way to get rid of that is to drink a mixture of half apple vinegar and half olive oil…. mwa-ha-ha… that will actually clean out your system… but it’ll send you to the bathroom for the better part of two days.

    I just wanted to drop you a line. It seems my email has been dropping emails again. I just found out I missed a few which is more than a little annoying, since I sent out friggin queries on Friday!!!! Only four, but still, if it drops any of the returns, I won’t even be able to check for a number of weeks.

    I’m going to switch over to gmail for the rest of my queries - but if you’ve sent anything that I haven’t responded to it’s probably because I didn’t get it.

    Take care and I’ll talk to you later.

  3. Jerseygirl89 Says:
    March 30th, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    I.Hate.Women.Like.Her.

    I also feel some pity, but it’s mostly hate.

    You’re a better woman than I am.

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