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Things Said To Me By Previous Bosses

**None of the quotes below are from my current job. My boss here has always been wonderful and polite, almost family-like in a lot of ways! These are all from previous jobs!

(While working at a restaurant)
Boss: (not knowing I was behind him, talking to the new bartender) You should check out Colleen. As a waitress, she sucks. But she’s easy on the eyes.
New Guy: Oh yeah? Which one is she? What does she look like?
Boss: Picture a really pretty face. Now put that face on a two by four. That’s Colleen.

(while working in retail)
Boss: (while doing inventory with me) Hm, these are torn. They’re a small…do you want them?
Me: Uh, aren’t we supposed to send them back to the manufacturer or something?
Boss: Nah, people shoplift all the time here. We’ll write it off as that.

(Same retail job, same boss)
Boss: You see that guy? Keep an eye on him. I think he may be shoplifting.
Me: Why? What’s he doing?
Boss: He’s black.

(While working at the same restaurant…a different boss)
Female Boss: I told my husband you and I were going for drinks after work.
Me: Uh…but I’m not 21.
Female Boss: So? We’re not actually going.
Me: Oh.
Female Boss: (Leaves in an unidentified car with a man who is not her husband.)

(In an office job)
Boss: Don’t wear that lipstick. It looks like you should be out at a rave.

The lipstick was red. And not a “whore” red. Just a deep, crimson. I wore the same lipstick the entire week just to piss her off.

(At Disney World)
Boss: (trying to explain to the group what working at Disney is like) Some days, it’s like Boom, Boom, Boom. Other days….just Boom.

Missy, Lynne and I: Huh?

(While working for a small publication)
Boss: Be sure to buy that ad space for us today. Use the company card.
Me: Ok.
(the next day)
Boss: What is this $600 charge to our credit card!!!!!
Me: The ad space we bought yesterday.
Boss: What ad space!?
Me: Er–the one you told me to buy yesterday.
Boss: I did?
Me: Yeah…
Boss: Oh.

(male boss at the restaurant…again)
Boss: Are you bulimic?
Me: Uh, no.
Boss: Really?
Me: Yep, pretty sure.
Boss: But you never steal any food on your shifts!
Me: Well, that’s cause I’m anorexic. Not bulimic. There’s a difference. (I was totally kidding)
Boss: ….
::Blink. Blink, blink.::

(Different Male boss at the restaurant)
Boss: Are your boobs real?
Me: (silence…does this dumbass really think I’d pay for boobs this small?) No, but I told my doctor before the sex change operation that I wanted the boobs to match the rest of my body.
Boss: Wait…you mean, you’re a dude?

6 Responses to “Things Said To Me By Previous Bosses”

  1. Ello Says:

    Oh my gosh! Are these for real? I’m laughing and cringing for you all at the same time and then feeling angry at the stupid insensitivity of some of them! Wow! You have put up with alot! Boy some people are really shocking.

  2. Colleen_Katana Says:

    Haha, yes…these are all very real I am sad to report. The ignorance of some people is amazing, isn’t it!? The restaurant business was by far the worst…though there was always the fear of getting arrested for “shrink stealing” at the other job since my boss kept shoving merchandise at me. “This would fit you!…Oh, this is cute!” A lot of them, I just tucked back into the inventory pile secretly.

  3. Take 5 Photography Says:


  4. Jerseygirl89 Says:

    Those are priceless. I laughed out loud.

    Though, you know, I am sorry that you had to work for those people.

  5. Sarah Says:

    Great post. I don’t think I would have behaved as appropriately as you did if someone was throwing free clothes at me. So, um, if anyone has any free, new clothes…let me know.

  6. Colleen_Katana Says:

    Yeah, I should have taken the free clothes…but I was young and naive and still feared the fiery pit of Hell. I’ve learned so much in my old age.

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