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I love coffee. Sometimes people try to switch my coffee to decaf when I’m not looking. I can always tell the difference. I also like Pringles, but only the reduced fat kind because they crunch better when you bite into them and they don’t leave grease on your fingers. I’m…

About Me
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As part of our quest to support women’s issues, Katana Photography is excited to announce our first ever Celebrating Survival contest!
Having any kind of cancer is frightening and confusing. In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Katana Photography is welcoming all survivors from all forms of cancer to participate…

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When I was looking to buy my wedding invitations (back in April), I found a lot of designers on Etsy. After narrowing it down to a couple different designs/companies, I contacted both for their pricing list. One was pretty significantly more expensive–almost $2 per invitation more. Which I think all…

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When talking to people about photography, I hear one phrase over and over again: Kids and dogs are the hardest subjects to photograph.
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Last week, Sean and I had our morning coffee on the balcony and watched as the Enterprise shuttle was pulled down the Hudson on a tug boat. It’s on its way to the Intrepid and I can’t wait to see it up close at the museum!

Weekly Coffee

A Post In Which I Use A LOT OF CAPS!

It was a rainy day today.  The kind of rainy day that is so  effing beautiful and glorious after a ridiculously humid, hot summer. The kind of rainy day that results in the heat and humidity lifting and bringing in a fantastic 70 degrees with it.  After weeks of sweating my non-existent balls off, this cool, rainy day where I sat in my apartment with the windows and balcony doors open was VERY welcomed.

I had a meeting at Red Horse Café this morning. I put on my galoshes, grabbed my umbrella and headed out for the 12 block walk to the gallery. And I didn’t complain one bit that the rain messed up my hair or that the edge of my pants were a little dirty from mud or that my purse got drizzled on—because it was cool. And that makes all the difference between me turning into a raving, ranting lunatic and a calm, collected adult.

So—I’m walking. In the rain. Some might even say I have a bounce to my step. And about half a block in front of me is a man walking his dog…a beautiful Huskie type of dog.  It’s morning…but it’s not that early in the morning. Maybe 10:30 or 11am.  And as I get closer, I see the man is bent over doing something in the passenger side of his car. And as I take even a few more steps closer, I notice that he’s wearing those mesh sporty short things—you know the ones I’m talking about.  A lot of jocks wear them….they look like basketball shorts. Only, as he’s bent over, his ENTIRE ASS is sticking out.

Now, as a girl who wears a lot of low-rise jeans, I’ve had my share of experiences where I’m sitting and I don’t realize that the top of my crack is showing. I think most people can empathize with that. But I have NEVER had my entire ass hanging out IN THE RAIN and not realized it. His butt literally has rain droplets covering it. HOW CAN HE NOT REALIZE HE IS FLASHING ALL OF PARK SLOPE RIGHT NOW?

So I’m staring. Because, to be honest, I’m not so good at NOT staring at things like this that catch my eye. And he looks over his shoulder at me while cleaning God knows what out of his car, and catches me staring.

And he starts to stand up. Silly me, I think that they probably just slipped down while he bent over and as he stands, CERTAINLY he’ll pull them up, knowing now that I’m walking in his direction. But no. He stands up and makes no effort to adjust—and the simple act of standing doesn’t help the situation either. If anything, the shorts slide down even MORE. And I’m so baffled by what I’m looking at that I notice my jaw hanging slightly open.

The stranger smiles and gives a little head nod toward me.  “You like what you see?” He asks all cheeky…like he was the most dapper of dans within some high class lounge.

And I’m all: “Are you seriously hitting on me with your ASS hanging out in the rain?”  He doesn’t say anything at first and just as I’m about to walk away, his dog goes over to him and starts licking the water off of his butt.

Let me just say, I AM SO GLAD I STUCK AROUND THOSE EXTRA TWO SECONDS TO WITNESS THIS.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, like realizing for the first time that I wasn’t just speaking in some sort of riddle. That his ass was actually hanging ENTIRELY out of his pants.

It may be the strangest thing I’ve ever seen…I still don’t entirely understand what happened there.

7 Responses to “A Post In Which I Use A LOT OF CAPS!”

  1. Lynne Says:

    Oooh, this has to be the most hilarious thing I’ve ever read! Amazing. I love your life.

  2. TJ Says:

    Maybe he has no feeling below his waist? Like some sort of rare numb-ass disorder that renders reception of all rear-related impulses totally moot? Perhaps his husky was, in fact, a seeing-ass dog trained to warn him of impending buttockal danger? For all you know, you were mocking a cripple!

  3. WordVixen Says:

    I honestly think that you’re the only person this can ever happen to! *lol* Gosh, your life is so a chick-lit novel! :-D

    BTW, your BF is a Marvel artist, right? I just heard about Disney buying them out and immediately thought of you.

  4. Colleen Says:

    Thanks Lynne. Yours is equally insane, though…just keep that in mind!

    TJ-Oh man. Are you going to become one of my hate-mailers now? Are you going to tell me that all my views on EVERYTHING are idiotic and I’m only good for telling quippy stories–but not even that anymore because I’ve insulted the numb-assed people who read my blog? I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I mean–um, hey, man. How’s it going? Thanks for reading.

    Word - Stuff like this does happen a lot, but it’s been a LOT slower lately. That was probably the weirdest/craziest thing to happen in a while. And if I had been in a chicklit novel, some handsome man would have been getting out of a limo just at that moment to save me from the moment or something.

    Sean’s actually a DC artist but he’s worked for Marvel a lot in the past. He loved Marvel as a company though and when his contract is up in April, he had been considering doing more work with them. He’s worried that their being owned by a big corporation is going to change them for the worse, though. Hopefully, they’ll still be run similarly…

  5. WordVixen Says:

    Aw, poor guy! I wouldn’t worry, though. Disney owns ESPN, ABC, and all sorts of “non-Disney” type companies. The good ones seem to be run more or less the same as they were pre-purchase, but with the addition of deeper wallets. I think it’s more a matter of limiting their competitors’ (Universal in particular)access to Marvel merchandising and movies, as well as harnessing the awesome merchandising opportunities, and probably building an addition to one or more of their theme parks. I doubt that they’ll change much about the actual company.

    Eek. I’m such a geek about this. *lol*

  6. George Says:

    I don’t think it’ll be that big a deal, DC is under warner bros and they seem to do fine

    Some new interview of marvel EiC recently though got me a lil freaked when someone asked if they’d do a mature spiderman title again and he said no and we needed to think of the kids. What kid reads comics now a days lol

  7. sean Says:

    I think the funniest part is how you TAGGED this post with “butt”. That way when someone goes alookin’ for posts about asses, yours will come up.

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