My friend Eliza is a (relatively) newly single woman. Before Christmas, she and I went out to the Roosevelt Fields mall to do some holiday shopping and we inevitably ended up in Anthropologie. Otherwise known as the MOST AMAZING STORE EVER. The sheer sight of that store window can bring tears of joy to my eyes.

We walked in with the intentions of finding Liza some pretty, but sexy date outfits with a gift card she had. But we walked out with nothing but kitchen decor. Which is what ALWAYS happens. I am obsessed with coffee mugs and teapots.

I actually managed to refrain even though I fell in love with a couple of owl mugs. But my budget was tight and I just couldn’t justify it. Liza however managed to buy a few new water glasses and an iced tea pitcher–Which I told her, she would be very popular with her date if she opened the door wearing nothing but a couple of strategically placed water glasses. She, however, did not find this funny. I forget what little sense of humor people have when they’re stressing over a first date.

I kept obsessing over my owl mugs and after 3 weeks of pining, I realized I should have bought them. I went to 3 different stores in the city–none of which had them. I wanted to cry. Eventually, I admitted defeat and promised myself next time I saw something that was only $4, I would just spring for it. Then if I change my mind, I can always return them.

I had completely given up hope that I’d ever see the mugs again. And then Liza and I exchanged Christmas gifts…and an owl mug never looked so glorious and beautiful. BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER. Who cares about the expensive espresso machine my sister gave me. That Tiffany’s necklace from Sean? Phhhh, please. But this coffee mug will go down in history as THEGREATESTGIFTEVER.

Now if only I had answered the door with only a couple of water glasses in hand, we could have come full circle.

It was a rainy day today.  The kind of rainy day that is so  effing beautiful and glorious after a ridiculously humid, hot summer. The kind of rainy day that results in the heat and humidity lifting and bringing in a fantastic 70 degrees with it.  After weeks of sweating my non-existent balls off, this cool, rainy day where I sat in my apartment with the windows and balcony doors open was VERY welcomed.

I had a meeting at Red Horse Café this morning. I put on my galoshes, grabbed my umbrella and headed out for the 12 block walk to the gallery. And I didn’t complain one bit that the rain messed up my hair or that the edge of my pants were a little dirty from mud or that my purse got drizzled on—because it was cool. And that makes all the difference between me turning into a raving, ranting lunatic and a calm, collected adult.

So—I’m walking. In the rain. Some might even say I have a bounce to my step. And about half a block in front of me is a man walking his dog…a beautiful Huskie type of dog.  It’s morning…but it’s not that early in the morning. Maybe 10:30 or 11am.  And as I get closer, I see the man is bent over doing something in the passenger side of his car. And as I take even a few more steps closer, I notice that he’s wearing those mesh sporty short things—you know the ones I’m talking about.  A lot of jocks wear them….they look like basketball shorts. Only, as he’s bent over, his ENTIRE ASS is sticking out.

Now, as a girl who wears a lot of low-rise jeans, I’ve had my share of experiences where I’m sitting and I don’t realize that the top of my crack is showing. I think most people can empathize with that. But I have NEVER had my entire ass hanging out IN THE RAIN and not realized it. His butt literally has rain droplets covering it. HOW CAN HE NOT REALIZE HE IS FLASHING ALL OF PARK SLOPE RIGHT NOW?

So I’m staring. Because, to be honest, I’m not so good at NOT staring at things like this that catch my eye. And he looks over his shoulder at me while cleaning God knows what out of his car, and catches me staring.

And he starts to stand up. Silly me, I think that they probably just slipped down while he bent over and as he stands, CERTAINLY he’ll pull them up, knowing now that I’m walking in his direction. But no. He stands up and makes no effort to adjust—and the simple act of standing doesn’t help the situation either. If anything, the shorts slide down even MORE. And I’m so baffled by what I’m looking at that I notice my jaw hanging slightly open.

The stranger smiles and gives a little head nod toward me.  “You like what you see?” He asks all cheeky…like he was the most dapper of dans within some high class lounge.

And I’m all: “Are you seriously hitting on me with your ASS hanging out in the rain?”  He doesn’t say anything at first and just as I’m about to walk away, his dog goes over to him and starts licking the water off of his butt.

Let me just say, I AM SO GLAD I STUCK AROUND THOSE EXTRA TWO SECONDS TO WITNESS THIS.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, like realizing for the first time that I wasn’t just speaking in some sort of riddle. That his ass was actually hanging ENTIRELY out of his pants.

It may be the strangest thing I’ve ever seen…I still don’t entirely understand what happened there.