Over the summer, I met up with an old friend from grade school. It all began ok…until this:

Her: Wow, you look so beautiful! So different from back in the day!

Me: ….Oh…thanks. You look great, too. (Long Pause) Well, you know–I guess that’s what 30k dollars worth of plastic surgeries and botox will do for ya!

Her: Ohhh. Yes, that must be what’s so different! Don’t worry, I’ve had my nose and eyes done already, too! Who did you go to? Someone here in the city?

Me: Oh! Oh my God, I’m so stupid…I was just kidding. My weird sense of humor–I haven’t had any work done. But, wow, yours looks amazing. Can’t even tell.

Her: Really? You haven’t had any work done? (She looks me over from head to toenail)

Me: No…though I think I could use a new set of boobs for sure! (hahaha…ha…….ha. Awkward laughter.)

Her: (Flips her hair over her shoulder) Yes, well…I haven’t had any work done either. Just said that to make you feel better.

We left shortly after that. I highly doubt I’ll be hearing from her again any time soon.